Updated: Mar 7, 2020
To be honest, the holidays stress me out. I love the idea of them, but something about them makes me want to hide in bed and sleep all day. They trigger my depression just a little bit, although they are supposed to be happy times the obligation to shop for those I love overwhelms me and the many holiday parties and expectations to be happy and put together are draining. On top of that, we always end up talking about those we miss for the holidays like my great-grandma and grandma who have passed.
Something about the forced togetherness makes me feel more alone and distant than ever. Everyone is on edge, including me. Maybe it's the expectations or the promise that it will be better, but I hate it. I'm drained, exhausted, in need of something, but no idea what it is.
Maybe one year I'll figure it out and find a way to truly enjoy it.