I've been going to this bible study for 5 weeks now. Do I identify as Christian or Religious? No, but I do believe in learning and trying to understand. I have grown up in the church and I remember my youth pastor doing a lesson on being a lukewarm Christian. A Christian who went through the motions, but wasn't true in their heart and soul.
Being the person I am today, I don't ever want to be unsure. I would rather spend hours in a uncomfortable and unknown state in order to find what I truly believe. The funny thing is how uncomfortable that makes others people. We as humans want to place things. We want to locate them on our little map of things. It's a safety mechanism, but it also means we have to know where we are, which we sometimes don't.
It is ok to be lost. At least your finding yourself through the missing directions. Also God/Universe isn't always going to give you all the directions, but either way their will always be a next step. Learning a minor amount about Quantum Physics has taught me that not even those atoms know where they are or where they are going. They're just spinning and existing.
Last night I finally meditated. Truly, not falling asleep two minutes in. I saw the truest shades of royal blue with streaks for deep purple. I saw patterns only I could see and understand. I saw dress designs and an Instagram feed inspired by these colors. I felt my skin shine as if it has rays like sunshine. I felt my face smile and grin when those I love and feel connected to spoke of feelings similar to mine. Making me feel less alone and more one with them and everyone in the room.
You bet I'm going to try and meditate EVERYDAY just to see or feel as inspired and shiny as I do now.
Today I feel the residual effects of the meditation like I'm joyfully floating which I haven't felt in about a year. My heart doesn't feel as weighed down and heavy and I'm hopeful of what is coming.
Bring on the new adventures.